Heart of Berlin

Inspirations from Kerstin Hack

Kategorie: Feelings (Seite 1 von 4)

How she lives on – in memory of Debbie Jones

DebbiimGarten_Hochzeit_Prag06.02Grief comes in waves. Moments of sadness and pain interwoven with moments of sweetness and even joy and laughter as precious memories surface. One person once said: „Grief is sorting – the things that are gone forever and the things that remain!“

In the last days since I heard of the sudden death of Debbie she and her family were in my mind constantly. I was not super close to her, but we saw one another about every other year, spent time with one another, in spite of the infrequency I felt close to all of them.

Many friends posted on Facebook what she meant to them and what was lost and what a person she was. I felt almost unable to write. How can you „summarize“ a life like hers – that is like a huge tapestry of many, many colors.

So I spent time thinking about what remains of her – in her kids.

Sam, Elizabeth, Abigail, Hannah, Tamara:

I have seen you grow up from little children to the Teens and adults you now are. And while each one of you is unique I see some strands of how your mum lives on in you. And would like to share.

Samuel

When I first met you, you were in your early teens and fairly withdrawn. I do not remember you speaking a word with me for the first SamuelBestMan2_Hochzeit-_Prag06.02three years or so of knowing you. And I almost never managed to get you on a picture!

But then – one time while visiting in Berlin – you gave me your own copy of the Lord of the Rings  as a gift. I knew it was really, really special. I did feel like a queen.

Although I was quite different in lifestyle from you and your family I felt deeply accepted. And that is probably one of the biggest gift we can give to each other. And you carry that, too.

For me Debbie also was a very hands on person. She found practical solutions for problems when she saw them and she was just doing it, leading the way. And you carry that, too!

 

Elizabeth

GoCartRacetheGermanteam_Prag06.02One of your mums gifts was to make people feel special –  using little things to express that.

One time when I visited and the house in Prague was crammed full with artists, she made my own „room“ on the balcony… with a czech salt candle.

And you did join the „German team“ in the GoKart race… and of course we managed to push your dad into the tyres…

I feel that in your heart for baking and making really special food you inherited some of that gift from her – in a very tender and precious way that is just right for you.  You are wonderful and will bless many people with this gift. Your mum cared about you a lot. I remember that  once when you were in your late teenage years she once invited me for a walk to have a long time to talk – one hour of uninterrupted talking was a lot for her. She was concerned for you – longing for ways how she could best support and strengthen you. She loved you a lot.

 

Abigail AbigailJoes_Prag06-02

On the window sill of my ship there are three pieces of pottery. One sturdy feminine figure with long curly hair that you once made for me. And two pieces of pottery from your mum.

It was one of her first pieces – a little mug with a painting of grapes. And one really fine mug. I think it is one of twelve pieces. The other ones she gave to other members of the tribe like  Derek and Amy – building community with her art.

I believe you are more of an artist than you think right now. There is „stuff“ in you that is waiting to come out and to be expressed. And I guess what you will create – may it be material pieces of art or spaces to meet – will bring people together and connect them. To me you also are a person that provides  strength to  others and is a safe haven – like your mum.

Hannah

One of the thHannanachdenklich_Hochzeit_Prag06.02ings that I loved about your mum was here unique style. And I loved how she encouraged you to develop your own way of dressing and expressing who you are. I think you do that well – expressing to the outside who you are in the inside – with all the diverse parts of your personality.

I really like that about you.

Hoffnung-von Hanna Jones - 8 J.The biggest gift you once gave to me was a painting. When I was full of pain in a hard time in my life you wanted to paint something for me. I then asked you to paint a picture of hope. You asked me „How do I paint hope?“ I encouraged you to think of something yourself.

Then you painted a flower in all four seasons: budding, blooming with the sun shining on it in full force, then withering and gone.

In the winter part of your painting there was only white – with two musical notes. And You explained to me „In winter you have to sing!“  And that is my hope for you right now.

 

TamaraschläftbeiMami_Prag06-02Tamara

I do not know you so well, but I remember that your mum told me that when she was pregnant with you and felt God told her that she should call you Tamara, she was surprised, as Tamar had gone through a lot of pain and she did not want you to be named after a woman who suffered so much.

But then she realized that in spite of all the pain – and to some extend even because – she was a woman who wrote history. And that was her hope for you.  And it is my hope as well – as you experience loss so early…that in spite of it or maybe even because – you will shape your destiny.CIMG2052

And you are sturdy. One of the first memories of you is of your brother and sisters putting a hat on your face – while you were only two or three months old. You looked cool – and took it with a smile.

I guess you also carry your mums heart to let people feel they are loved. One of my sweetest memories was when you were staying with Maggie in Berlin.

We were playing run and catch and had a lot of fun. When I wanted to leave i could not find my shoes. You had hidden them – because you wanted me to stay. Your 4 year old way to say „I love you!“

 

Andrew

CIMG1991No clue how to express how much Debbie shaped your life – every since you put your eyes on this red haired amazing woman who could beat you in the 1980s version of computer games… She seemed like the haven from which you could launch out in the world and at the same time being the closed travel companion.

It will be hard, more than hard to develop and find a way on your own. But there is so much of her in you, so much that shaped both of you together that this will provide some of the strength that you need to find your own way into the future – carrying the many precious seeds that she put in your life and sowing them into the world – together with your own unique tall skinny Kiwi seeds.

 

 

Me

CIMG2045Well of course – meeting Debbie shaped me. Stretching my horizon. Introducing me to people i never met before. And helping me to expand acceptance. One time when you were all visiting me I told your parents to have a day off without kids and took you to the children Museum. What I had not expected was that TJ was in the mood of wearing her ladybug outfit and your mum said „ok!“

Well…it was me walking around with her all day through the city of Berlin – her wearing a ladybug costume. Now I laugh about it -but at that time it was quite a big stretch for me. Not caring about what people think.

JonesgirlsBerlinjuly02Or at least not enough about others peoples opinion to forbid a child to express her heart. It taught me a lot. I guess that I would not have been able to create a space like the ship without having met and been shaped by Debbie and all of you. God using you to expand and open my heart and make it a bit more relaxed…

CIMG1986Later that day after a lot of big adventures TJ fell asleep in my arms. And slept for three solid hours in my arms as we took the underground, walked to Potsdamer Platz, had a huge ice-cream (sorry, TJ, you missed something) and sat and talked with Andrew and Debbie as they joined us.

Juli 2011 Prag und Dresden 159It touched me that Debbies last Facebook entry was about sleeping. And your family ability to sleep just anywhere. I wish you that in this rough time of saying good bye and do all of the sorting of the things that remain and the things that you have to let you – there will be moments of rest, refreshment.

If you want you are always welcome on my boat – for a time of rest, joy and fellowship and to enjoy the pieces of art your mum made – both in clay and within my life.

What a Year!

2014-04-18 15.25.55My birthday is a good opportunity to look back on this year. What a rollercoaster this last year was!

April: Information that the dry dock costs would be 3 times higher !!! than expected. Lots of friends helped with loans and donations – and miraculously the dramatic bill was able to be paid!

June/July: Mediation to solve conflicts with the ship builder I worked with and then – as differences and different expectations could not be resolved – the sad ending of our working relationship. Still sad – without him I would probably never have dared to start the project.

August: Moving the ship from Hamburg to Berlin – what a journey! The new birth of Bernd number 2 who entrusted his life to Jesus. Continuing renovation on the ship with a steady stream of friends helping me to move things forward and assisting the professionals. Challenging interpersonal relationship with the Berlin dry dock owner. Phew.

August/December: Professional training in a well-founded technique to reach goals and an extremely good trauma-relief therapy method. I’m very happy that I could increase my skills and am more equipped to handle tough stuff.

November: Bernd number 1 – a friend who helped me a lot with the ship and gave me lots of good advice – suffered a severe stroke and is still recovering. Last minute new windows for the ship – what a miracle that I could find the right professionals!
December: Discovering rust in places that should have been renovated. What a frustration! 
January: Winter renovations – tough work with tough guys – my cousin and a great team from Portugal. Starting to coach a businessman in the Stuttgart area.
Dec – March: Writing 5 new titles in 5 months – quite a lot.
March: Starting to coach a man who wants to lose 40 kilograms of weight.

April: A stupid law suit – someone suing me for something I did not even do – forgetting to mention a photographer on a picture we published. We had mentioned her, she had just not looked properly. A little break at the baltic sea for gaining new strength.

Hopes for the next year of my life:

– Finishing the ship – praying for more helpers and finances to complete the project. Thankful for everyone who is helping – may it be small or big!

– Staying in peace – letting my soul be stilled by God.

Beauty for the Soul

2014-02-27 16.41.49Never pass by the opportunity to see something beautiful – because beauty is God“s handwriting. – Unknown

For the last few days, I“ve been tired and discouraged. As I prayed this morning and talked with God about it, it became clear to me: in the last few months, I have planned and organized a lot and worked very hard on the ship. This is good, but it does not make me come alive. My soul blooms when it sees beauty.

It will still be a while before the beautiful things on the ship will be visible – even when it“s nice that the roof is now painted and the floor is in. But the really pretty, artistic things usually don“t come until the end – so that will still take a while. But when my soul needs to create beauty Aber keine Sorge, denn der online slot Gladiators ist nicht ganz so lebensgefahrlich wie die thematische Vorlage. and there is nothing beautiful to create, I feel drained.

John Raux2014

I wouldn“t be me if I didn“t do anything once something became clear to me.

  • Right before the market closed, I bought 30 colorful tulips to bring beauty into my apartment.
  • I“m going to put plants on my balcony soon.
  • I spent a couple of hours just cleaning up on the ship – this is also beauty.
  • I gave a few containers of trash to my friends who were there with their car…
  • Over Easter, I want to go for 4 days with a friend to the sea – to take a break and to refuel on beauty.
  • I“m going to listen to and enjoy beautiful music.
  • Here and there, I want to do a little beauty-care… even when my ship-builder hands are not restorable.
  • I hung up this picture that my artist friend, John Raux, lent me and that I like a lot. Unknown title or tides unknown?
  • I hope that I can continue to sell more things on Ebay and Amazon . Having more free space is also beautiful to me.

– See more at: http://kerstinpur.de/besser-leben/schoenheit-fuer-die-seele/#sthash.NN3LHAhS.dpuf

Growing in Trust: Loved First

the-father_s-loveA sentence that Joshua Lupbema, one of the chairmen at Gemeinsam für Berlin at the Transforum, said really moved me. The gist was this:

Peter bragged about how much he loved Jesus. Yet, when it came down to it, he betrayed Him.

John bragged about how much Jesus loved him. John remained by Jesus“ side until His death on the cross.

You can“t construct a theology out of this, but what I became aware of was that it“s not our great or even weak love for Jesus that carries us… rather it“s the awareness of His deep love for us.

On this theme: the inspirational booklet, The Father“s Love, that personally formulates the loving affirmation of God, is going into its fourth print today. I can warmly recommend it for anyone who would like to be touched more deeply by God“s love.

And I am glad and thankful that, with this inspirational booklet, we can contribute a little bit to people being touched by God“s love.

– See more at: http://kerstinpur.de/glaube/vertrauen-lernen-zuerst-geliebt

Spring Regimen

2014-03-05 12.46.24Like many people, I long to shake off my winter lethargy and to gather new energy. Some of that will happen naturally – the increase in sunlight gives new energy and stores up important vitamin D in our bodies – although this only happens when we don’t wear any sunscreen. Medical professionals recommend getting half an hour of sun on your skin per day.

I’ve made a list for myself of the things that are not easy for me but that I know are good for me.

I give myself points when I have successfully implemented one of them. At the end of the month, if I have collected 100 points or more, there will be a special reward.

Will you do it with me?

Perhaps you would also like to do something during this time that cleanses and renews your body or your soul – and we can support and encourage each other.

– See more at: http://kerstinpur.de/allgemein/fruehjahrskur/#sthash.1vTUTe19.dpuf

Growing in Trust: For What Can I Trust?

The theme “Growing in Trust” is still occupying me. A central question that is on my mind is, „For what can I trust?“ I don’t mean the foundational questions: on what or on whom I found my trust. That is, at least in theory, relatively clear. I am much more occupied with the question, „For which concrete things or behaviors of God can I hope on the basis of the claims of the Bible?“ I am still sorting this out. A long time ago, I thought I could trust that everything would work out the way I thought it would. I was that naive, at least theoretically, but at least I’m not anymore. For one, God never promises what the process will look like. Once, God promised David that he was going to become king. The „small print“ about how much character building, difficulties, and challenges would come before that, David painfully discovered over the next years and decades, surely with a ton of frustration. If I correctly understood God, He allowed the idea of building this ship to grow within me. This doesn’t mean that everything will go smoothly. 1011224_10152199906240985_1421443121_n My current level of knowledge: I can not trust that everything will go smoothly, but I can trust that God is with me and also wants to and will give me advice. Photo “Eistee” (Ice Tea) by Nuno Soares – See more at: http://kerstinpur.de/glaube/vertrauen-wofuer-kann-ich-vertrauen/#sthash.igNqcjPd.dpuf

The Most Beautiful Moment

2014-01-25 15.08.37As I was walking home through the snow today, I asked myself what the most beautiful moment of the day was… and couldn’t decide. – Perhaps it was the moment when I woke up this morning and realized that I wasn’t feeling nauseous anymore – the evening before, I upset my stomach by eating food that was too fatty. – Perhaps it was the moment when an executive told me that he stumbled across the quadro “Learning to Forgive” through an article in ZEIT online… and through this, the whole association discovered me (How did ZEIT online find us? We didn’t do it!) – Perhaps it was the moments when I saw that around 30 pastors and responsible employees were intensively listening to me, taking notes, and taking in what I was saying about the treasures that I’ve discovered through coaching and psychological concepts. And how I could see through practical exercises for individual concepts how much they were innerly moved. – Perhaps it was the mid-day walk through the snow. – Perhaps it was the moment when the director found out that I thought it was a shame that there was no snowball fight and suggested sending me off with a snowball fight… – Perhaps it was the moments when the man who drove me an hour to the next train station answered my request, „Tell me something about yourself!“ with a brief description of his career and then a detailed explanation of the seven months before the death of his wife – the most intense phase of their marriage. – Perhaps it was the time when I was sitting in the train and was reading a novel for relaxation in which a man struggled to rekindle the love between himself and his wife after a 30 year marriage that had fallen asleep – and while I read, a man in the next section played accordion… a live concert for me… – Perhaps it was the moment after I got out of the train in Berlin when I discovered that my cell phone was gone and a train conductor allowed me (although I didn’t have the appropriate ticket) to ride to the main station in the hopes of finding my previous train (it was actually still there) and tried to help me through his cellphone connections and network. And I – while he was searching – discovered the phone in the wrong pocket in my bag. – Perhaps it was the moment when I stopped bymy neighbor’s with whom I often pray, and I told her that everything went well and she rejoiced with me… – Or perhaps it’s the moment now… when, after a long, good day in which I gave and received much, I fall thankful and happy and dog-tired into bed… and look forward to sleeping like a rock. – See more at: http://kerstinpur.de/allgemein/der-schoenste-moment/#sthash.mi5vSfoF.dpuf

Growing in Trust: I like God

1604888_10152201214041972_1827025902_nThis morning as I stood in the kitchen still half-asleep, it suddenly came to me: I like God. Of course I honor and obey Him – He’s God. That’s obvious! But as I stood there and considered whether I wanted orange juice or coffee or both, it suddenly hit me: I like God.

  • I like His creativity, the range of colors with which He makes plants and flowers – I like His creative power.
  • I also like His approachableness, His warmth, and nearness.
  • I like His brightness, His expression.
  • I like the depths of His heart.
  • I like that He talks to and with me.
  • I like that He hears me.
  • I like that He knows me and still wants to discover me.
  • I like that He enjoys taking care of me.
  • I like Him.
  • I really like Him.

Sometimes I wish He was different. I wish He would act more often like I imagine. But when I imagine that I had a husband who was the way I sometimes wish God would be, I’m horror-struck. I would soon be seeing Him like a wimp who does everything that I say. Terrible!photo.php I currently have three Portuguese men on board who are helping me. Sometimes, when I tell them: do this or that this way, they say clearly, „No!“ usually with good reason: because it’s better another way. Sometimes it’s just because they prefer to do things differently. This is also good and motivated by the wish to support me and help me in the best ways! And I don’t have to carry any heavy bags when they are near: they enjoy taking the burden from me. In looking at this, it’s clear to me: I even like God when He is sometimes „macho,“ when He insists on His own independence and doesn’t let me tell Him what to do – at least not about how He should do things, and nevertheless acts out of love for me.

  • I like God!

– See more at: http://kerstinpur.de/glaube/im-vertrauen-wachsen-ich-mag-gott/#sthash.WN9DAD0y.dpuf

Growing in Trust: Sad Answers to Prayer

Did I trust today? Yes! Trusting God – during and despite disappointment in humans During the first phase of renovation, I worked together with a shipbuilder who took responsibility for the work. He worked on many areas properly and well, but unfortunately not on all. In some areas, this is not so tragic: when new lacquer is laid over old lacquer on the ceiling and both come off together when someone hits their head against it, it’s annoying. However, when in the underwater areas of the ship rusty spots aren’t cleaned or insulated, it’s not just annoying, it’s life-threatening. Every rust spot is a source of danger if not treated. So my prayer in the last few months was that God would make me aware of all of the places that need to be reworked. I discovered a spot with black core rust in the seminar room in the keel of the ship and another further above. 2014-01-18 17.06.30Yesterday, someone helped me lay insulation. He didn’t get it stuck well in the corner, and I pulled the insulation up to show him how to do it properly. Suddenly, I didn’t just have the insulation in my hand but also a palm-sized piece of lacquer and rust. I almost cried. It is so frustrating when I can’t trust the work that someone else did (The black areas on the picture to the left are rust spots. The big black areas to the right are black insulation). Hier ist der - gerade erst 5 Monate alte - Lack schon wieder abgeblättert. Here it is – only 5 months old – lacquer already flaking. This morning as I was talking with God about it, it became clear to me: God is answering my prayer. I had asked Him to show me the areas that aren’t sound. The area yesterday was really a random find… normally rust hides well under white lacquer. Yes, I am sad that there are bad spots on the ship despite the performed and paid work, but I am thankful that we’ve already discovered some of the most critical spots. God has obviously answered my prayer. 2014-01-13 16.02.37 I am also thankful for the people who help me. Last week, my cousin derusted and oil-sealed about 15 square meters that according to my estimation and the opinions of multiple shipbuilders whom I asked hadn’t been worked on at all. Now, friends from Portugal are painting it again with primer, and then we can put on the insulation. The whole thing cost me three extra weeks of time and was very frustrating, but better safe than sorry. In short: I am sad that the situation is the way it is and thankful that God answered my prayers and thankful for the support of other people! I ask my God to comfort me about my experienced harm… and am excited to see what He comes up with! – See more at: http://kerstinpur.de/glaube/im-vertrauen-wachsen-traurige-gebetserhoerung/#sthash.CcHN4Gs4.dpuf

Trust 2014

IMG_0980Over the last few months, I often asked myself the question: was I alive today? I feel like this is not going to be my theme for the next few months. I am alive, and I am aware of life (sometimes more, sometimes less). I notice an inherent liveliness and am pleased. This year, it is important to me to grow in trust. I would like to trust God more, trust myself more, and trust other people more (as appropriate). For me, appropriate means: according to how well I know people in general and this person in particular. Some people, whom I know very well and have known for a long time, I trust very much. For others, trust is still growing. First, I have to discover in which areas I can and cannot trust them. What have I learned today about trust? It is lovely and calming when I can trust people. On New Year’s Eve, I prayed for the new year with a very good friend. For more than 15 years, I have known her as a woman who has a very intimate relationship with God and is sensitive to hearing Him speak. We asked God to tell us what is important to Him for the different areas of my life (publishing company, ship, health) and then discussed what we each heard internally. About health, she said that the keyword „salt bath“ came to mind. She couldn’t figure out what it meant, but I knew. I know that stress, both internal as well as „only“ physical (like through building a ship), overacidificates the muscles, and natural sea salt or rock salt brings balance and regeneration. For Christmas, I (not completely unselfishly) gave my neighbor and friend, Sonja, a two-for-the-price-of-one coupon book. There wasn’t a coupon for a salt bath in the book, but there was one for Saltero: a massage and a time of relaxation in a completely salt-coated grotto. After a while there, it was as if I were at the sea: my airways are clear again, I can breathe more freely and deeply, my back is wonderfully relaxed, hours later my skin in still pleasantly lightly salty, and I am wonderfully relaxed. It wasn’t exactly a salt bath, but it was pretty close. Without the impulse from my friend, I surely wouldn’t have gone, and now I am very glad. Trust was good to me. And: I would like to go there again… – See more at: http://kerstinpur.de/erlebnisse/vertrauen-2014/#sthash.EayO7Uve.dpuf

Ältere Beiträge

© 2017 Heart of Berlin

Theme von Anders NorénHoch ↑